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1. ANYHOW, TRY YOUR BEST TO GET YOURSELF A CABIN NEAR THE GRAVITATIONAL CENTER OF THE SHIP or the center of the plane. Or, for that matter, that's why you don't get as carsick in the front seat of a car as you do in the backseat.

2. IF YOU ARE INCLINED TO BE CARSICK or one of your children is, promptly put them up in the front seat and open the front window to give them plenty of fresh air. Tell them to keep their eyes directly on the road in front‚ don't look down or side to side, and they'll be much better off.

3. ANOTHER THING‚ SINCE YOU CAN'T EXACTLY PLAN THE WEATHER, AT LEAST TRY TO AVOID SEASONS ON SHIPBOARD THAT ARE NORMALLY ROUGH & when you can expect bad weather. Remember, the rougher the weather, the more the motion of the boat.

4. BUT IF YOU SHOULD HAVE TO GO IN A BAD SEASON OR ANY SEASON FOR THAT MATTER, YOU BETTER PRAY AND ASK THE LORD FOR GOOD WEATHER! Sometimes we forget to pray and ask the Lord for good weather, and so He just lets us suffer the consequences and we get bad weather, because we didn't ask Him. But we have nearly always prayed, even taking a plane trip, "Lord, please give us good‚ smooth‚ calm weather, so the ride won't be too rough."

5. IT CAN EVEN BE PRETTY ROUGH IN THE AIR SOMETIMES if you're not flying real high. The new 30 to 35,000 foot altitude long-distance flights of today usually find it very smooth way up there. But you may find it very rough climbing until you get up there‚ which may take half an hour‚ or coming back down to a landing.

6. SO NOW WE'RE ATTACKING THE SPIRITUAL ANGLES. The main thing to do is pray for good weather, so you'll have at least as little physical causes of your problem as possible.

7. HAVING FOUND YOUR SEAT OR CABIN AS NEAR THE CENTER OF GRAVITY AS YOU CAN, THE NEXT BEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR YOU TO DO IS TO GET A GOOD MEAL UNDER YOUR BELT. Which is usually what happens. It's probably either supper time or dinner time or something.

8. THIS IS ANOTHER REASON WHY THE SHIPS & PLANES ARE SO THOUGHTFUL ABOUT FEEDING YOU. They're not all that concerned about your hunger, they're concerned about you messing up their plane, and your tranquillity and happiness, so you'll want to fly again.

9. WHEN YOU KEEP YOUR STOMACH FULL IT REALLY HELPS TO KEEP IT FROM FLAPPING AROUND so much. Be sure you haven't drunk very much water or especially any stimulants—avoid tea and coffee. Now, believe it or not, wine is not a stimulant, it is a depressant. Therefore a little wine, not too much now, take it easy, but a little wine is a relaxer and really does help.

10. I USUALLY TRY TO EAT FIRST THING AFTER I GET ON THE SHIP‚ have a good meal, and then relax. I either hit the hay, or in a plane seat I try to push it back as far as I can without knocking the knees of the next guy—sometimes they resent it—and try to go to sleep.

11. IF IT'S ROUGH WEATHER AND WE HAVEN'T PRAYED ENOUGH FOR CALM WEATHER, OR IT'S A ROUGH FLIGHT, I USUALLY ASK FOR A MOTION SICKNESS PILL. You take one or two of them and then you take one every 2-4 hours or something like that, as I recall. Then just hit the hay on a full stomach and a motion sickness pill and sleep!

12. KEEP A LITTLE BOTTLE OF WINE CLOSE BY HANDY TOO IF YOU MUST DRINK ANY LIQUID AT ALL. Don't drink tea, coffee, water, etc. if possible and for God's sake‚ avoid soup! Just sip a little wine very cautiously and in very limited quantities—have it there by your bed in the corner of your bunk or somewhere.

13. I USUALLY STICK IT IN THE CORNER OF THE BUNK BESIDE THE MATTRESS. That's a good place to keep it from spilling. If I get too thirsty from this lack of liquid, I just take a sip or two of wine, and that also helps put me back to sleep.

14. WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING, ODDLY ENOUGH, YOUR MIND'S NOT NEARLY AS CONSCIOUS OF ALL THIS MOTION, and without all those mental signals of fear that your mind sends down to your stomach, your body will naturally begin to adjust itself to this new motion.

15. IT'S JUST LIKE ADJUSTING YOURSELF TO ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, IT TAKES A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. It's like a new habit, a new schedule, a new job, a new school, it takes a little bit of time getting used to, or a new wife, either one. So, to prevent your becoming infermo, the best thing you can do while you're going through this transition period from terra firma, solid land, to very infirma mar, is to lie down in your seat or your bunk & go to sleep, as soon as you've had a good meal & with as little liquid as possible.

16. DON'T DRINK ANY LIQUIDS IF YOU CAN HELP IT. Your body will get enough from the food that you eat to supply the subnormal amount of liquid that you need, & get the rest from a little weak wine.

17. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, HOW YOU USED TO LOVE TO SWING? Well, swinging is somewhat similar to the motion you get which sometimes even causes motion sickness. Some children cannot even swing without getting dizzy and motion-sick.

18. THE ONE REASON MOST CHILDREN DO NOT GET SICK FROM SWINGING IS: THEY KNOW THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO ENJOY IT! It's supposed to be fun, it's supposed to feel good, and therefore they make up their minds in a nice favourable, positive attitude, which greatly facilitates the relaxation of your nerves and your stomach etc.

19. IF YOU CAN, CONVINCE YOUR STOMACH, CONVINCE YOUR BODY THAT IT SHOULD ENJOY THIS MOTION: "It's beautiful motion!—Rock & roll, up and down‚ round and round we go! Isn't it wonderful! Doesn't it feel good! Oh, it's so beautiful‚ like being rocked on a swing or swung in a hammock! Rocked like a baby in your mother's arms!"

20. CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT IT IS A PLEASANT MOTION, enjoyable and desirable, and that you really like it and enjoy it. You'd be amazed how quickly you'll fall asleep, or the fear will leave and you'll relax, if you can just get your nerves to relax and your mind off it!

21. CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT IT'S GOOD AND NOT BAD. Convince your stomach that it's a very delightful motion. Believe it or not, it depends a lot on your mental attitude, whether it's positive or negative, as to whether you get sick or not.

22. IMMEDIATELY TRY TO FOLLOW IN YOUR MIND THE RHYTHM OF THE MOTION. Now we're going up...now we're going down...now we're rolling left...now we're rolling round...now we're going up...now we're going down...rolling up and rolling down. If you can get yourself adjusted to that motion and convince yourself that you like it‚ you'll be cured in nothing flat, especially if you can then go to sleep. Try it!—You'll like it!

23. YOUR MIND IS LIKE A COMPUTER, AND YOU'VE GOT TO FEED YOUR MIND THE RIGHT INFORMATION: It's a nice movement, it should be enjoyed instead of being resented. Put positive thoughts into your mind‚ "Now you should enjoy this. It feels good, it's great, it's fun!" Your mind will say, "Oh! Oh well‚ that's different! Then I don't have to worry about it, I don't have to fear. Oh, I can even enjoy it, it even feels good! Oh, that's great, isn't that nice! Up and down ... round and around!"

24. IT'S ALMOST LIKE SEX! If you thought sex was evil, mean and bad and might make you sick, you probably wouldn't be able to do it—and some people do feel that way about sex‚ they abhor it, believe it or not! They've had bad experiences which turned them against sex, and they can't even stand to touch it!

25. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T READ, AT LEAST THE FIRST DAY OR TWO till you've adjusted. Do not even attempt to read. I try to even keep from looking at the menu as much as possible.

26. GET SOMEBODY WHO'S NOT SEASICK TO READ YOU THE MENU. That's what I usually do, get them to read you the menu and tell you what's on it, so you don't have to look down and read it yourself, because that is a killer!

27. AND OH, BY THE WAY‚ WHEN YOU GO TO THE DINING ROOM, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DON'T SIT IN ONE OF THOSE LOVELY TABLES BY THE WINDOW on the outside of the boat or way up in the prow that's the worst place in the world to sit. The best place to sit is right smack dab in the middle, if you can‚ middle from side-to-side, and clear back near the kitchen, which is usually more toward the center of the ship.

28. YOU'RE BETTER OFF NEAR THE KITCHEN DOOR, back there in the middle toward the center of the ship, than you are near those lovely windows with that beautiful view. In fact, the less view you have the better.

29. THE MORE YOU ADJUST YOURSELF TO VIEWING NOTHING BUT THE INSIDE OF THE BOAT, THE BETTER OFF YOU ARE. If you start looking out that window at that rising and falling, twisting, writhing horizon, it's sure gonna send you straight to the toilet as fast as you can go, or over the side of the boat, one or the other!

30. OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE REST OF MY BOATRIDE THAT TIME. Well, finally I had gotten rid of everything I could get rid of, and I finally slept the rest of the night in my bunk. I got a few hours sleep, and that helped a lot.

31. I FELT SO MUCH BETTER IN THE MORNING WHEN THEY CALLED BREAKFAST. They said, "Breakfast at the Captain's table"—on small freighters you get to eat with the Captain‚ first class! You really get wined and dined! So I thought, "Great! I'll go!"

32. SO I WENT TO THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE AND HE GREETED ME WARMLY and sat down. Since I was the only passenger on board, they were all kind of grinning at me and asking me how I felt and how are things and so on and so on. I was feeling much better‚ I was just feeling fine. So they began serving breakfast.

33. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE FIRST DISH OF THE BREAKFAST WAS AN INVERTED CUPFUL OF HOMINY GRITS. It looked just like a scoop of ice cream, only bigger. That rascally captain, he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous little grin, and he looked at that dish of grits on my plate just as I was ready to dive in and get my first mouthful, and he said,

34. "HUH‚ LOOKS LIKE ICE CREAM‚ DOESN'T IT?" And believe it or not‚ if you tend to be seasick you cannot stand sweets or hardly even the sight of a sweet! And just the idea of that looking like ice cream shot me plumb almost over the table, certainly over the bench and some of the other crew members, right out on the deck and over the rail and away went whatever else there was left inside of me‚ I don't know what, it didn't seem like there could be anymore!

35. BY THE WAY, IF THE RAILING IS THE NEAREST PLACE FOR YOU TO GET RID OF IT, FOR GOD'S SAKE BE SURE YOU'RE ON THE LEE SIDE OF THE BOAT AND NOT ON THE WINDWARD side, if you know what I mean. If you're on the windward side of the boat when you go to throw up overboard, even if you don't get it on all the passengers on the next deck below, you may get it right back in your own face! So for God's sake, spew it up on the leeward side, that means away from the wind, not with the wind in your face!

36. WELL, AFTER I THREW UP, IT SHOWS YOU WHAT CONTROL YOUR MIND HAS OVER IT, I WAS DETERMINED I WAS GOING TO SHOW THESE TOUGH SAILORS I was a man too, and I could sit down there and eat it no matter what they said! I made up my mind and I got tough with myself, and I said to my stomach, "Now control yourself, you're going to cram this down if it kills you!"

37. I ATE IT, AND AFTER THE GRITS I ATE HAM AND EGGS AND THE WORKS, and I just felt great! I was even able to sip a little coffee! And believe if or not, I went back to my bunk and lay down and rested the rest of the trip during the day‚ and I never got sick one other time!

38. I WAS SO MAD AT THEM FOR LAUGHING AT ME FOR BEING A LANDLUBBER AND GETTING SEASICK, I WAS JUST DETERMINED I WAS NOT GOING TO GET SEASICK! I was going to eat that breakfast if it killed me—and that was the best thing I could possibly have done‚ was to eat that breakfast! That helped relax my stomach, it put something in it to strengthen me, & my determination not to get sick helped me not to get sick, believe it or not!